Created to be Me

In my last post I shared how I feel God works on areas in my life, that it's like a mountain with an upwards spiralling road. Breakthrough comes, and then in some areas it feels like I've come back to the same issue, the same spot. But actually, God is moving me up the mountain on the road, and although it feels like I may have come back to the same spot, God has moved me one spiral above. He is growing me, He is firming up my foundations in Him. He hasn't finished yet, but He promises in Philippians 1:6 that He will work to completion in me; 'being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.'

God has moved in my life in so many areas, and I'm so grateful. I feel on my heart to share over the coming weeks some of the foundational things I felt God teach me in my childhood and teenage years. For today though, I would like to share a theme God has been leading me up the mountain on for the past 5-6 years. The mountain itself has been identity. I'm sure God was teaching me a lot about my identity up until 2016, but it wasn't until then that I really feel like God began to do something fresh, something deeper. It began one day when I suddenly questioned who I was. Who is the real Bec? And there is so much I could say about that day early in 2016, but the main point for today comes many years later, October 2 2021 to be exact. On that day in 2016 I poured my heart out to the Lord, I felt broken and had so many questions. But the beauty of that moment, the beginning of the road up the mountain was that in the days following, God would lead me into a beautiful revelation and acceptance of my identity as His daughter.

Ever since then, I've felt that identity has been a prominent theme in how God has been growing me. Time and again I have felt God prompting my heart that it's time to teach me another aspect of my identity in Him. At times it has come as a small little nudge on my heart, possibly about a thought I've had, or something I've said. Other times I have ignored the nudging, and I smile now at the thought, but when I haven't listened to God's nudging He has used other people to get my attention, usually in a louder fashion! For the most part this hasn't been too pleasant, but it has certainly got my attention. For example, a few years back I learnt very clearly from others that my identity does not/cannot come from my ability to influence others! Yes God may use me in that way at times, BUT my worth can't come from that. Because what happens when I fail? Well that's what happened that day, and it devastated me. But again in that moment of brokenness, God was teaching me something so beautiful. My identity does not come from what I do, but in Who I belong to. I am God's daughter. Yes this was the same lesson as earlier, but here God took my understanding deeper. He freed me in another area where I had things a bit mixed up.

Over the past few years there have been many similar moments. Some big moments, and still other moments where I feel God has pointed out seemingly small thoughts I've had. In the early days I was discouraged because I thought I had kept backsliding and getting stuck on the same thing over and over again, but really God was leading me up that mountain, and over and over again He was faithfully showing me my identity was secure in Him. He was showing me who He has created me to be.

A few days ago I had a really beautiful morning with the Lord, a mountain top moment. I believe in faith that this was the final spiral on this identity mountain! Praise God! On Saturday I shared the below on an online devotional group I'm part of, and I wanted to share it here too to finish up this post. We had been reading Matthew 5-7:

God is so wonderful, and I’ve had the most precious time with Him this morning, and I feel led to share a bit of that with you. For the last day or so I’ve felt an aspect of identity come up as something that I’ve struggled with. I’ve felt frustrated and asked God to help me with it. What I understand now I didn’t earlier this morning, and I prayed before reading that God would teach me on this. Identity issues have come up again and again over the past 5-6 years for me, and God has been faithful to teach me through them, but each time I still get frustrated that I struggle with it!

As I read today’s chapters, because I’ve had identity on my mind I felt especially drawn to the verses such as Matthew 6:1 ‘Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven.’ There are at least four other verses with a similar message to this in today’s reading.

I also felt drawn to the verses that talk about God’s goodness towards us: ‘your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!’ 6:8, ‘And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.’ 6:18, ‘And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?’ 6:26, ‘He will certainly care for you.’ 6:30, ‘how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.’ 7:11.

I felt in my spirit that when I have moments of struggle with my identity, that actually means I am looking outside of God for my identity. But in God my identity is already complete! I am fully loved and fully accepted. So why do I seek to gain identity or even partial identity outside of God, when I know I am chosen by Him? When I know I have been created by Him? When I know I am loved by Him? These are questions I let sit, questions that upset me. I had never understood this was what I was doing, and that grieved me as I’m sure it grieves God.

I was reminded of a verse I read yesterday that really stood out to me, Matthew 4:10: “Get out of here, Satan.” Jesus told him. “For the scriptures say. ‘You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him.’”

When I read that verse I was reminded of something my mum said when we were younger. When we were feeling grumpy and struggled to get out of it, she encouraged us to say “Get on your bike, Satan!” To tell him to leave, that he didn’t belong there and couldn’t mess with us. And I remember saying this in a grumpy voice, or sometimes even a tearful voice because I had been tempted in that moment, and tearful because I had given in. Not only was I in trouble for doing something naughty (probably punching one of my sisters, or messing up a board game, or acting out in some other act of rage!), but I felt so yuck and stuck in that place. The enemy comes to ‘steal, kill and destroy’ John 10:10, and that is what he tries to do in our lives, and to keep us in that place too. But we see in Jesus’ example that we have the authority to resist the enemy, to resist the temptation! To tell the enemy to get on his bike! Whether we feel tempted, or even if we’ve given in to the temptation. ‘Resist the devil and he will flee from you.’ James 4:7. Today, we have the authority to tell the enemy to get on his bike!

As I felt reminded of that verse from yesterday, I felt that this is what has been happening when I have times of struggling with my identity. I have been tempted in these moments to step out of my God given identity, to listen to the lie of the enemy that I need to somehow earn my identity. The enemy doesn’t want me standing in my God given identity, because he has come to steal, kill and destroy! What a revelation! It’s so hard to resist the enemy when it doesn’t look like he’s involved, but now that God has shown me, this is where it ends!! The next time I feel like I’m struggling with my identity, I will know it’s temptation and I have the authority in that moment to tell the enemy to ‘get on his bike!’

Thank you Father for your fresh revelations today! Thank you that just as the disciples gathered around Jesus to hear Him teach, we have the privilege of doing the same with you each day. Thank you for speaking your truth over us each day. Let us have ears to hear every single day. And strengthen us to tell the enemy to get on his bike in every moment of temptation. Thank you for the authority you have given us in Jesus’ name to resist the enemy. You are so good. We love you Father. In your precious name we pray, Amen.